Hope-a gift or a curse

Like many of you facing infertility, I have read those stories about the miracle pregnancies. Those stories that encourage women to keep going with infertility treatments or try the alternative medicine, because you never know what is going to be the magical combination that gives you a baby. It has occurred to me that those stories are miracles, because they are not the norm. My infertility story may not have the happy ending with me getting pregnant. If I choose to adopt, after infertility treatments fail, I don't want my adopted child to feel like they were my back up plan. I am not sure how to make that happen. I am hoping by writing this blog, I can find peace with whatever happens in the future.

10 Tips for Surviving Fertility Treatments in Grad School:

How to survive fertility treatments while in Grad School:

1. When you get your period, and you are bummed, go have a beer with your classmates!

2. Keep lots of migraine medication on hand, for those fun hormone swings.

3. Have a hobby group that you meet with at least once a month. For example: I like to go knit in coffee shops or bars with my girlfriends.

4. Avoid looking longingly at the maternity stores in the mall and glancing at baby clothes in department stores.

5. Exercise and work on looking your best. It removes stress, and you will be healthier.

6. Keep supportive friends close.

7. School assignments can be a good distraction for any fertility treatment frustration.

8. No tear jerking movies right now! You have enough things that can set you off right now!

9. Buy sexy lingerie to keep things lively in the bedroom.

10. Plan a trip for you and your husband.

India IVF-Holy CRAP!

2500 dollars for IVF. Whoa! Dr. Patel is the big infertility guru over there, apparently, and he claims to have studied at UCSF. Perhaps, I shall research this more. Stay Tuned.

Ways to Support Your Infertile Friend

1. Tell your infertile friend, that it's okay to be sad, if the infertile friend is sad.
2. Throw them a baby shower when they adopt.
3. Take them out for ice cream, when fertility treatments go wrong.
4. Pray for your infertile friend to get pregnant or find peace with his or her situation!
5. Keep the discussion about parenthood in a positive light. (At least for me, I don't want to hear about the downside of parenthood.) I want to hear about the happy times.
6. Allow your infertile friend to babysit your child.

30 and not pregnant, as far as I know!

Tomorrow I turn 30 years old. For many years I had this goal, that I would have my first child before I was 30. My mom had me when she was 27. I think more and more women are trying to have kids in their 30's. This is probably why infertility appears to becoming more common. We are living longer as a society, so I think it makes sense for women to wait to become mothers. I don't resent not trying to get pregnant in my early 20's. I would not have been ready to be a parent. In my 20's, I have gotten to go to Asia 2 times, and Europe 3 times. I have enjoyed seeing the world, and I wouldn't have been able to do that, with a kid most likely. Now, that I have seen the world, or a chunk of it, I want to experience parenthood.

I am actually coming to terms with the fact that I will be thirty tomorrow, and I am not pregnant to the best of my knowledge. It is tricky to know for sure when you don't have regular cycles! For this purpose alone, I think I am going to take progesterone to induce cycles, so that I am not constantly wondering.

I am in general just feeling better about things. I dyed my hair today. I am now a red head!
I had a mojito before class, and everything was just better after that!

I guess I am feeling more hopeful today.

A guide to dealing with your infertile friend...

Rule #1: Whatever choices your infertile friend has made, those choices are their's and if you debate them, you are likely to offend them.

Rule #2: Offering sentiments like, "It will happen when you least expect it, or God works in mysterious ways, or Just Relax, or I could go on and on" are not helpful. Your infertile friend at best will ignore you, and at worst will be annoyed.

Rule #3: Losing the ability to have a child feels like a death, in that it is a death to that person's hopes and dreams. The infertile person will go through all the stages in grief, so patience from friends is good.

Rule #4: Telling someone who is infertile, that motherhood is lame or sucks or whatever negative descriptor has the affect of making the infertile person resent those people who are complaining about motherhood. That isn't to say that motherhood doesn't suck sometimes, but perhaps if one wishes to complain about motherhood, they should leave that for their friends who are mothers, and are in similar places as them.

I am sure I could come up with more rules, but I think these are a good summary.

Cats and Dogs as surrogate children, in the mean time...

For those of you who are pet owners and animal lovers, I think you know what I mean in my title. Pets can begin to feel like children, and at least for me, raising a puppy and a kitten during the last year, has helped stave off the yearnings for a human baby. With my puppy Ralph, I would spend the night sleeping next to his crate, when I first brought him home, so that he wouldn't be scared. When Ralph broke his leg, I stayed on the couch to make sure he was okay on his tranquilizers. Every morning and every night and throughout the day, I constantly have to attend to Ralph. It is good training or a good introduction, in having another being be dependent on you.

Then there is also, the extreme pleasure in cuddling with my kitten Isa or having Ralph fall asleep on my lap, while I am knitting or watching TV. Until I have the pleasure of having a human baby, my animal babies will have to do.