Monday, December 27, 2010

Holidays, Family and Infertility

I am sure this is a common story, where your family, particularly mothers, know you are trying to get pregnant, and you go home for Christmas, and they remind you about how your womb is aging every second! Or they comment about your weight, which you gained from taking that DAMN CLOMID THAT DID NOT WORK!!!!!

It hasn't been all bad. I have enjoyed visiting my parents, step-parents, aunts, uncles, grandmother, and grandfather. Skiing today was good.

I can't remember what my last blog said, so if I repeat myself I am terribly sorry.

I have autoimmune arthritis that is like RA. I take plaquenil and prednisone every day. My rheumatologist wants me to take Enbrel, since I cannot seem to get off of prednisone, which also causes diabetes, osteoporosis, and makes you fat (when you have been taking it for a long period of time). I should not get pregnant while taking Enbrel, so that means I will probably be going on birth control for the six month sabatical from fertility meds. This should hopefully allow me to lose weight.

For example, skiing has caused my knees to swell up like grapefruits.

With all of this going on, I have tried to avoid topic of my fertility issues. And, my husband and I are contemplating adoption if he gets promoted after Jan. 7th.

It is kind of sad, but my arthritis has just added a new layer to my fertility issues. I went inside a Baby's R' Us to use the restroom while shopping at a strip mall in Boise, and I literally felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach, the entire time I was there. I can't look at cribs still.

So, I ask myself, am I ready to adopt, if the sight of cribs makes me ill? My family really does love me. But, they are so good at reminding me that I just turned 30. I actually am doing well with the fact that I turned 30, but it is easier in Seattle than Boise to feel good about being 30 and not having a child yet. There seems to be a lot of older parents in Seattle. It is quite common. I swear every time I go out in Boise, I see ten pregnant teenage girls.

Speaking of family, my cousin who's wife just had a baby has decided to ignore me this trip. It's very bizarre, but in a way, I am relieved. This particular cousin actually had a shot gun wedding, and not that there is anything wrong with that, but in addition to that fact, they were not ready for a baby and didn't really want one. For those of you who are in a similar boat as me, and you want to avoid the new baby in the family, apparently all I had to do was politely invite my cousin to dinner, and this was offensive to him some how, so they didn't show up. This particular cousin who had the shotgun wedding is very religious and politically conservative, and I have a feeling my husband and I who are very liberal offended him on Facebook.

On a happier note, I had a dream the other day of a young hispanic girl in an orphanage asking me to be her mother. I think perhaps my unconscious mind is becoming comfortable with adoption.

I hope everyone who reads this is having a Merry Christmas!

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