Trying to find some solace

Why does anyone want to be a parent?

My husband decided after going to a funeral for our friend's mom, that it was really important for us to have a family. I think that when we see death, we realize we want to have company on this journey through life. Two people is not enough. Everyone has friends, but friends are not the same as family.

Why do I want to have a baby? Well, this probably sounds crazy to some, but I think it would be fun to wear maternity clothes. I also want to experience growing a human inside me. It is a unique female experience that I want to have, and something I always thought I would get to have.

I think for men, because they don't ever identify with that experience, adoption is more acceptable to them. In either experience, they get a baby at the end of the day. At least for my husband, he doesn't seem to be to bothered by the fact that we might end up adopting. I don't mean to minimize the pain of men with infertility issues. I am sure there are many men out there who really want a child of their own. But, I still think the act of conceiving a child and carrying it, is a unique female experience, and when we are robbed of this experience, it sucks.

My religious background probably fuels these feelings. I am not a practicing Mormon, but I was Mormon for a while. In this religion, motherhood is everything, and so I spent a lot of time imagining what that would be like.

Can I be happy adopting a baby? Yes, I think so. I will probably always be sad, if I never got to carry a child. But, I will cross hell, to start a family any way I can.